Hwaet, Cerdic!

I finally got my bike on Wednesday, opting for the aluminum frame over the steel, which meant I had to wait a couple extra days for the guy to get it in stock.

Like Dr. Virago, I enjoy naming things. I also felt that, by giving my bike a name, I might not hate biking so much and maybe, just maybe, we’d bond a little.

After much contemplation, I named the bike Cerdic.

If you have never seen the recent Jerry Bruckheimer version of King Arthur, with Clive Owen in the title role and Keira Knightly as Guinevere, well, you’re really missing out. It is a dreadful movie, and it made me seriously question Clive as crush-worthy (he just.... stands... there.).

However, it is terrific to watch with snarky friends and pick apart, especially friends who know anything about that period of Britian and/or martial arts. Or basic logic. (Question: If Arthur and his knights have been posted to Hadrian’s Wall for 15 years and charged with protecting Rome’s interests, why are they completely unaware that a super-wealthy Roman family whose son is a protege of the pope just happen to be living several miles north, in Woad lands? Why do they need a guy straight off the boat from Rome to tell them this, as well as to mention that Saxons are invading from the north? What do they do all day, sit around the round table and eat Spam a lot? Just asking...)

I do like Knightly’s Guinevere, who is more ambiguous and Macchiavellian than the usual damsel. I especially like that she’s a vicious, bloodthirsty fighter in the climactic battle scene, even though they dressed her in a leather bikini.

But the best thing about "King Arthur" is the main bad guy... Saxon invader Cerdic. Stellan Skarsgard’s performance is hilarious (intentionally so, I believe) as the barbarian badass who’s just bored to death with his day job and really tired of killing people who don’t deserve it. Not that they don’t deserve to die, they do, but, you know, it’s just a little beneath him to be slaughtering people who don’t even put up much of a fight.

His tag line, begun with a weary sigh, is "Kill them all. Burn everything."

Yeah, this is the guy (center) I want to name my bike after. I feel they have much in common. They’re big and blond (though the bike’s official color scheme is "Sand with Black") and aren't the fastest.

I hope my Cerdic will be as relentless and steady as its cinematic namesake. Also, movieCerdic is not prone to panic, and I hope I can say the same of my bike, since I am prone to panic while cycling, and it would be nice if one of us was not teetering on the edge during the 20K we’ll be together on race day.

At the Danskin Triathlon, when you pass someone you’re supposed to shout encouragement, and the person being passed is supposed to do the same (recommended phrases include "Looking good!" "Stay strong!" and the dreaded "You go, girl!"). I felt kind of goofy and so not me doing that last time. I’ll be doing it again, but this time with a secret smile.

Because in my head, I’ll be thinking, yeah... you know it.

Kill them all. Burn everything.